Too Pretty for Prison dubbed "Weapon of Terror" by world leaders
Hijackalope has been busy, cattle multilations aside. When Phillip Geehawd isn't busy deep-frying neighborhood children in his Fry Daddy he's out back in the shed tearing brand new records like a madman. "Too Pretty For Prison" is Hijackalope's second album for 2007. "In 2008 I'm going to release about 14 albums. Oh, and an EP of Depeche Mode covers."
World leaders the, uh, world over are not as impressed with Hijackalope's musical endeavers as is, for example, Rolling Stone magazine. While the legendary periodical raved that Too Pretty for Prison "blows anything by Linkin Park out of the water," Dick Cheney quipped, "I like shit better than this."
The new album is available in its entirety here on this site or you can visit Phillip at his myspace page and harass him there.
Gimp Fishin' Hits Record Stores and Punches and Kicks them too!
Not content to be "merely another Classic Rock cover band with onstage genital multilation," Hijackalope has once again reinvented themselves on "Gimp Fishin'." Gimp Fishin', which features 19 tracks by Hijack mastermind Phillip Geehawd may be the band's most listenable album ever.
"I tried hard to not sound like I was trying hard," said Geehawd. "Mostly I wanted to make something to pass down to the next generation. Sort of like the Eskimos."
The new album is available in its entirety here on this site or you can visit Phillip at his myspace page and harass him there.
New Hijackalope T-shirt Available!
Since the last series of Hijackalope t-shirts were made of biodegradable materials and have since melted back into the Earth to poison the water table of assorted Midwestern cities, the band has decided to release new t-shirts that will last for 10000 years and then be jettisoned into space.
If you are interested in a shirt please drop us a line here and we'll set up an exchange of fluids and tshirts.
I-RAQ, U-ROCK, I-ROC hits "stores"
Hijackalope's 8th unstudio release "I-RAQ, U-ROCK, I-ROC" hits convenience stores and full-service car washes this weekend. The enigmatic band has once again reinvented itself as a folk-rap-sewage symphony quartet. Regarding the strange album title, Phillip Geehawd responded "Fer chrissakes, look at the names of the tracks if you think the album name is strange."
The album has the potential to whip up the music scene like a goat fart ignited with a Bic lighter. For starters, God busts a guest-rap on the ghetto flavored "Pimp Pope." Sleeper hit "Teenage Mothermaker" has all the emo kids in tears. And finally "Death to Infidels" has been remixed here into a vertible dance floor destroyer.
"We're really happy with it, of course," says headman Geehawd, "but we're really happy with donuts too. Do you like donuts?"
Hear I-RAQ, U-ROCK, I-ROC Here!
Gary Floyd Hijacked
AP- Footage of the legendary punk rock legend Gary Floyd of the legendary punk rock band "The Dicks" has surfaced on Al Jazzera TV (did we mention he's legendary). The famed famous signer was reported missing by his lesbian cats three weeks ago. Reports indicate that Floyd left in his bitchin' camaro that his parents brought up from the Bahamas (shit, wrong punk band) and went to pay homage to the McDonald's in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Of course as everyone knows, the McDonald's at Mecca has the best McRibwich.
The militant Islamic reggae polka band, Hijackalope has claimed responsibility for the hijacking. The group demands release of all the camel cleaners from Gitmo and a player to named later in exchange for Floyd. The tape that aired on Al Jazzera and the Lifetime network includes the 'song' Grandma's Nasty Little Boo Boo. Mr. Floyd is shown being threatened at gunpoint and needlepoint, while being coaxed into prank phone calling the CIA. A drum machine and a machinegun where later added to make a song. Listen to it now, you ungrateful fucks!
When reached later for comment, the Pentagon stated, "We don't negotiate with terrorists. Especially for commie fags."
Also some cross-dressing pitbull said she'd put Frankenstein Hates The Police on some sort of Dicks tribute thing so watch out for that and stuff.
Hijackalope Releases New Studio Album on Terrified Public
"We made very limited quantities of this album in actual CD form. Most of the copies we made we shipped to North Korea just to be bastards," says Phillip Geehawd regarding Hijackalope's smashing new full-length studio album, Mommas Don't Let Your Babies Grow up To be Republicans. "We really went balls out on this record," continues Geehawd, "We recorded in an outhouse in the Congo while rebel soliders outside raped all of our roadies."
The album features fabulous drumming by child prodigy Rhythm Trak and guitar playing by Phillip Geehawd. Hijackalope's most tenured band member also forced his many cats into servitude in order to record several tracks. "The cats played all the harmonicas. We shipped them to the Congo in shoeboxes. Some of them didn't make it back alive. Or in one piece anyway," says Geehawd.
Hear Mommas Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to Be Republicans Here!
Learn How to Make Music Just Like Hijackalope Part 3!
Third in the tragically underrated Hijackalope/Mel Bay home-instructional series, "Learn to Rap like Hijackalope" has all ready outsold the previous two installments. "I think we've sold, like, 2 copies of it," said Phillip Geehawd, "Which is funny because it's free on the internet."
The clip features complete and detailed instructions on how to bust a phat and phizzy rhyme Hijackalope-style over the canopy of some mind-melding hypnotic synthesizer beats. Geehawd confirmed that he was in charge of the poppy gangsta-style music himself. "I spent a long time on that. I even watched maybe 30 seconds of Yo! MTV Raps when I was growing up."
Watch and learn, fools!
Learn How to Make Music Just Like Hijackalope Part 2!
Hijackalope recently signed a deal with Mel Bay to release a series of Do-It-Yourself (or DIY if you're REALLy punk rock) instructional videos on how to make music the Hijackalope way. This week we are presenting Part 2 in this venerable series, featuring Phillip Geehawd demostrationg how to become a master of mysterious instruments from the Far East.
"Mostly I get on there and I just master it," says Geehawd. "If that doesn't work, I masturbate instead. Then everyone wins."
There are currently no plans to release a video of Phillip masturbating, a spokeswoman for the band said.
Watch and learn, fools!
Come be our "friend" on MySpace!
We'll be "friends." We'll leave each other irrelevant comments. It will be great. Hijackalope is on MySpace now. If you add us to your friends we'll add you to ours. Because we're MySpace whores. Anything to further the Jihad of Hijacaklope music domination.
Other MySpace exclusives include some blogging by Phillip Geehawd when he feels like it or as long as his attention span lasts.
Join us at MySpace!
Learn How to Make Music Just Like Hijackalope!
Hijackalope recently signed a deal with Mel Bay to release a series of Do-It-Yourself (or DIY if you're REALLy punk rock) instructional videos on how to make music the Hijackalope way. "Phillip GeeHawd is embarrassed by this video," says a source close to Hijackalope, "But the band will do literally anything to make a few dollars."
A short sample clip from one of these videos is now available here on Hijackalope.com. It shows you how to rock out with style and grace and features a scorching kazoo solo as well as some banging keyboard riffs. "It's all in the hat," mused Phillip GeeHawd, who has of late become the sole writer/musician/producer for most of Hijackalope's recent records.
Watch and learn, fools!
Hijackalope Records Entire Album During Single Olympic Bobsled Run
The word is out. Phillip GeeHawd, mind-boggling hobgoblin and mixmaster for world-famous barbequed band Hijackalope has completed the final master of his new album, Turn it Off! The entire album was recorded during a single four-man bobsled run televised from the Torino Olympics.
"I really wanted to lay down my tracks during the Americans run, but I was peeing when they went down," said GeeHawd, "So I had to settle for Canada's run instead. It's just as well. The Canadians are always very well greased."
Turn if Off! is sure to reach wide critical acclaim and features some of the most artistic and conceptual tracks Hijackalope has recorded to date. "It's about wind," said Phillip.
Listen to the new album now! Of course, it's free. Just like Canadians.
Hijackalope Commemorates a glorious Seahawk Season with a New Victory Song
Phillip Geehawd has been busy. This year alone he's transformed a refugee camp full of legless orphans into a world reknowned gymnastic training center. He's been spotted cavorting with orcas and harpooning Hollywood celebrities. He's even had time to record a new song for Hijackalope's next experimental album, Mommas Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to Be Republicans.
"This is about the Seahawks, for the Seahawks, for Seahawk fans, for my legless gymnasts. To thee, I dedicate The Seahawk Shuffle," cried Phillip from a top a large pink tank covered in fresh flowers.
Um. It's a Squirrel Dancing. Jihad!
In an effort to beat GQ Magazine to the punch, Hijackalope has released this new video of Wafah Dufour dancing naked on what appears to be a back stoop. Well, OK, it's not really Wafah Dufour, but it is a video of a squirrel and the squirrel is dancing! It's amazing!
"Mostly we're using this as a conversation starter when we smooze with record execs at their Christmas parties," admitted Phillip Geehawd. "I've got this new Christmas record I've been working on and I've only got 2 days left to get it on the shelves of every Sam Goody in America. So we figured, everybody loves a dancing squirrel. What the hell."
Wafah Dufour had this to say about dancing squirrels: "I personally love them. They are fuzzy and they dance around naked. Just like me."
Watch "Hungry for Wafah Dufour" video here!
Though sales of Hijackalope's octo-platinum album have fallen off in the last few months, the arrival of a brand new Hijackalope video is sure to please fans and noobs alike. "Ichiro," a collaborative video effort produced by a joint commitee with members from both America and Japan has been heralded as "a stunningly accurate portayal of a baseball hero.
"It's a mostly true portrait of the greatest Mariner ever," explains Phillip Geehawd, "Except for that penis part at the end. Ichiro has a huge dong. You can see it when he runs."
Osama So Huggable further comments on the imagery used in the ground-breaking film: "We wanted to get in there a lot about destruction and about hope. Ichiro represents a basket of garlic fries rising up from the ashes of Hiroshima like a poorly translated Phoenix wearing Hello Kitty slippers."
Ichiro could not be reached for comment.
Watch "Ichiro" video here!
Hijackalope Bellyflops into Garage Band
In an effort to increase interest in their album "Boss Dick," (which quickly went platinum before Phillip GeeHawd's unfortunate assosiation with several of the London bombing suspects' mothers) Hijackalope has scoured the internet in search of sites that let the band enter their web address.
Many sites have been thus terrorized, inculding Garage Band.
On August 5th Hijackalope's unrequited love ballad "Playing Fetch with Cerebus" will be featured as Garage Band's Track of the Day. "It's official," Osama sighed, "We've hit the big, big time."
Hijackalope would also like thank those reviewers who gave "Playing Fetch with Cerebus" nice reviews and/or scores. "We really don't give a goat's testicle what these people think," said Phillip, "but admittedly, it's nice to get a pat on the head for all our slacking off. When the Jihad comes to town in a rented Econoline we will pass over the homes of these generous reviewers and leave unsoiled virgin teenagers on their doorsteps instead of pipebombs."
Read the reviews of "Playing Fetch with Cerebus" Here!
New Video for "The Stump" starts dance craze, saves old growth forests
Disregarding pleas from across the globe to "Please, make it stop, please," Hijackalope doesn't stop it and instead creates an Earth-friendly enviro-vortex with their new video, "The Stump."
Filmed excusively on the Olympic Penisula by famed videographer Master Baster Herman Munster, "The Stump" quickly found a niche following amoung German eurotweakers. It also tests for epilepsy.
Hijackalope is releasing this video free of charge for the time being but plans to make it a pay-per-view event if enough dirty hippies continue to pony up their dope money to buy the film on bootleg DVD. Then Hijackalope will be forced to sell the video in third world countries in order to pay for filming of the next project, "Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho, Christmas Ham."
Watch "The Stump video here!
Hijackalope Records Greatest Song Ever. And Makes Greatest Video Ever Shortly After.
With the final tracks in the can (yes, the shitter), Hijackalope knew they had an instant winner with their fabulous song "Mr. T's Tapeworm." So amazing was the song that a video was instantly created using the highest tech gadgets available to man.
"Mr. T's Tapeworm" will be the final track on Hijackalope's upcoming super-release Boss Dick. Most of the tracks are already available as free mp3s in our Listen section, but look for more news soon about this album's actual, physical release.
Watch the new Mr. T's Tapeworm video here!
Three Amazingly Jihadish Hijackalope Videos Available Now!
There's a new page on Hijackalope. It's the "Witness" page (this was the page that previously held our tour dates. The Tour page has been renamed from Witness to Tour and the Witness page is now the new "Movies" page. This is done to confuse you. By the way, our stop in Sacremende has been cancelled). Here you can find the final resting place of several of the videos produced for songs off of "Weapons of Mass Confusion." Download them, send them to your friends, spread the word like peanut goat butter!
Visit the Witness/Movies/Not Tour Dates Page!
Hijackalope: Behind the Music
Recently the lost tapes of Hijackalope's appearance on Al Jezerra/VH1's Behind the Music have surfaced. It seems the tapes were left to melt in the hot Baghdad sun in the back seat of Osama So Huggable's Volkswagen Rabbit. The forthcoming exerts are compiled from those tapes, whatever we could salvage. Before completion was um, completed the vehicle in question was in involved in a car bombing in Fallujah. (I swear to Allah that we were not involved.) It also seems that portions of the tape were taped over with an enema fetish video. We included the audio from this video also. So go ahead and enjoy the full transcription!
Rare Hijackalope Concert T-shirts on Sale!
A case of extremely rare Hijackalope t-shirts from the 2002 "Crosshares" World tour has recently surfaced at the American offices of Hijackalope. These shirts appear to be mostly unworn, though some appear faintly bloodstained. We're offering these shirts up for sale for a mere $16 (postage inculded) and we'll make sure to send you one of the cleaner, newer ones if you order now! For more information, read about the shirts on our news page here!
What the hell is this?
On October 16th, 2003, the CIA under instruction from the White House allocated 13 million dollars from a Halliburton slush fund for Iraqi music reconstruction. Secret tapes recently unearthed show President Bush and Vice President Cheney discussing the matter. Cheney is quoted as saying, "It should sound like Patsy Cline." Bush then responds, "It should sound like Queensryche." They then decide that, "It should sound like a cross between Patsy Cline and Queensryche." Also they agree that all reconstruction musicians should be from Iraq. "We cannot afford to lose Toby Keith," states President Bush. It is then decided to name the operation "Hijackalope" in honor of VP Cheney's version of snipe hunting, which usually ends with the Secret Services having to lead President Bush back to the hunting cabin in the dark.
The CIA scoured its ranks for qualified individuals to head the operation. None were found to "rock hard enough." Using the "Nepotism Act of 2000," (the same act that elected Michael Powell to the head of the FCC, and George W. Bush president) "Weird" Al Jankovic's cousin, "Normal" Al Ivanovich, was chosen to be the band's manager. "Normal Al" was serving as a janitorial specialist at Ellsworth Air Force Base in South Dakota, spending most of his time shooting rats in abandoned missle silos and huffing jet fuel. "Normal Al" was given 3 million dollars, a swiss army knife, and an assortment of lotions from Bed, Bath and Beyond and was dropped from a C-47 over Iraq.
"Recruitment" began immediately. With the Army's resources, potential musicians were rounded up and imprisoned. Despite sporadic mortar fire and subsequent kidnappings and beheadings of band members, Hijackalope played it's first show, Jan. 18th at the Casbah in downtown Fulugia. The show was a success with only a 33% casualty rate. The album, "Weapons of Mass Confusion" skyrocketed up the Billboard Top 7. From all gathered CIA intelligence Hijackalope, "seems to be popular with people who have radios."
Thus, Hijackalope continues to perform under their slogan, "I-rawk for the people," and hopes that visitors to this website enjoy their music as its creation cost many their lives.